Do persecuted minorities forfeit our sympathy if they in turn are intolerant of others? The question was promoted by watching a documentary about three brides from the gypsy and traveller community. The film focuses on the girls, their dresses, the weddings and what this tells us about the community they are part of.
There is a shop in Liverpool that specialises in wedding dresses for gypsies and travellers. Each dress is unique and made to order. They seem to be inspired by the fairy tale look, lots of sparkle and lots and lots of frilly lace.. One of the dresses featured had a 20 foot trail and all three spectacularly over the top dresses were so big and bushy as to make it extremely difficult for the brides to get in and out of their Cinderella carriages. The dress maker said that some wedding dresses were heavier than the brides and the weight often left scars on the girl’s bodies.
The wedding took place in church and then on to the reception. The proud father informed us that neither he nor the majority of guessed knew where the reception was to be held and wouldn’t find out till after the ceremony. The reason for this was not secrecy but practicalities due to the fact that venues for receptions were often changed at short notice hotels frequently cancelling the booking once they found out it was a Travellers wedding. As if to prove the point one of the brides mothers had a phone call three days before the big day informing her the venue for the reception was no longer available.
Weddings and wedding receptions are one of the few opportunities girls have of meeting boys so there is a lot of completion for attention and some very daring out fits on the disco floor. The bride’s proud father sits with a group of married men and explains that this is how a lot of young people meet their future husband or wife. At which point he explains that he has nothing against the settled community (those people who are not gypsies or travellers) but it is important to him that the traditions and customs are maintained. This is why gypsies and travellers live together, why they don’t marry outside the community and why he doesn’t want his children to mix with children from outside the community. He is proud of the self reliance within the community and states that gypsies and travellers are all self employed “place us anywhere and we can survive “ he boasts.
Most of us meet our partners at school, through social activities or via work which increasingly in multi faith, multi cultural Brittan means we mix with people of a different, faith, culture or race. This is one explanation for mixed race or dual heritage being the fastest growing ethnic group in the country. How are we then to respond to those how do not wish to integrate who say this type of mixing undermines their traditions and robs their children of their identity. Those who wish to send their children to faith schools so they will not mix with non believers, those who only wish to live amongst their own kind. How do we respond to the father who says I have nothing against them but I would not let my daughter marry one when he is from a minority group and he is referring to the rest of us .And should this in any way affect our views about minority groups rights and our opposition to discrimination and prejudice?
Blair McPherson is author of An Elephant in the Room an equality and diversity training manual published by www.russellhouse.co.uk .